Just Me

Back to Jay Chou

Fri, 04 Dec 2009 09:01:01 GMT

See, I had this long, flower, pretty post in my head until.... I discovered I cannot dig out my discog again!!! aaarrrggghhh!!

First was my missing Battle MVs and 2nd single which drove me nuts, which I hope I MAY be able to dig out after some MORE extensive digging (gonna cry already at this rate).

Now I think I'm missing Jay's 5th and 6th albums WAAAAA!!!!

AND I am definitely missing JJ Lin's albums. urgh! *tug hair a little*

Anyone wanna buy me their complete discogs? Sherry? Sherry help me with Jay's!! At least mp3 is fine with me at this point. T_____T Was ripping CDs anyway to back up mp3s and all...huuuuuuuuuu *SOB*

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Crap!!! Scratch that! Just back online after the sudden power outage and buying cookies.

I FOUND JJ LIN'S BLOG!! JJ LIIIINNNNN!!!! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!

Pardon the over-spazziness coz...HECK IT'S JJ LIIIIIIIIINNNNN!!!!!!

Apart from my *ahem* first Chinese love Jay, Lin Jun Jie is second but erm....no.1 in terms of place in heart HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

JJ LIN!!!!!!

Maaf! Must spazz!!!! *goes gaga* Got twitter some more. Thank the founders of Twitter/FB/blogging 8D for making me have even less of a life now. WAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

NEW ALBUM OUT DECEMBEEEERRRRRRRR....8DDD

Snow and Silence

Fri, 04 Dec 2009 05:05:30 GMT

It's chilly but not snowing, which is good. I suppose if it was snow chilly I would have a brain freeze by now. ><

The cold weather and silence of being home alone is comforting, almost. The slight pounding headache is not.

It's better when I'm at peace alone, rather than the times when it's panicky stressed yet with people around it's still the same.

Shitty days tend to come like an avalanche until you're just left speechless. Today isn't mine but yesterday was.

I wish the hours of silence and cold would drag longer today.

Going through the motions

Wed, 02 Dec 2009 18:10:41 GMT

Belated post. Haha. Kept this in draft and forgot to post.

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Monday 30th September

What do I say? So many thoughts and words and I'm not sure where to start.

I spent yesterday night out, in fact, have been out the whole day. All the spent up energy made me feel super tired today to really register a lot or think too much. Mind was too awake, not in the bad, frustrating way, but awake nonetheless which ended up in me finally falling asleep too early in the morning.

The day started quietly enough. First one in as usual, feeling like this is the closing. Had some catch up time with (dear) friends online and basically relaxing. Bosses then gathered everyone up for a chat.

I guess I felt a lot of things. Questions mostly, for myself. There was another round of apology, and a haunting moment for me. Why is it 3 times this time, and all 3 times I had to end up in a similar situation. The words of court cases and being called in as a witness, of companies winding down and infighting. There is a fleeting moment of wonder why does your path lead down this road.

But in between all that, there is a hefty amount of apology, and a lot of warmth to go around. Between invites to hang out in future, to stay in touch and even ang pows given out (supposedly Christmas and CNY combined to make up for what is lost) =).

The feeling of missing some things, and an ache you know too well. Things like not wanting to be attached, yet ending up affected anyway. Thoughts like where you're headed next, and what you want to fight for. What you, yourself, truly want. That's the voice that's hardest to hear when you've lived your life around others.

It ended on a tired note, with plenty of goodbyes, see you arounds and photos. Packing up and clearing out a place seems neverending. >< Sitting there for the final few minutes, the slight feeling of heartache and missing-itis seeps in.

In the end, I think, I could even forgive the irritating person for being so dense. =) Haha

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Don't like the not so happy ending to Chinese Paladin 3. =(

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When you've hit rock bottom, really hit rock bottom with nowhere to go, that's when you know this is the test of your true limit. And then, there is nowhere else to go but up or remain. And your time at the most down, will be something you'll never want to repeat. Therefore, you will be stronger, and remember the day you felt there was no life and only the dark, wishing only for life and hope to come back to you.

All I want...

Wed, 25 Nov 2009 04:20:42 GMT

Right now, is for the upcoming (complete) group meet up to be... well, complete. I hope it'll be complete and it'll be fun. I hope it would be a lot of things, and I hope this is where we'll have our group photo finally. Because the last and only one we have of our current group is blurry.

I hope we'll look good maybe, even if we're not at our best.

I've complained almost everywhere else, might as well say it here. Heaven knows how hard it is to get people together, what more to have them on the same page as you. And with every meet up, it feels like everyone has an expiry date. You have 2 down, 3 to go more meetings with person A before you use up all available dates in a year, then too bad too sad, they can't make it for the next group one when person C is available, because they've already seen your mug the past 5 times.

Am I ranting?

Maybe. Am physically tired today, past week, past days. Do I have things pent up? Maybe. But where do I even start with myself to unravel them.

Am doing better now. We'll have a sad goodbye, but I feel things coming to a close this time. Will we remain friends, or rather, are we meant to be? We'll see. I think again, maybe, I will.

But back to the pressing thing in front of me. Slumber parties, staking out a hotel room, "candlelight" talks/pillow talk, call it what you like. Camp, a get-together, a vacation? If we tried to track back, I will safely say it's been years I've been attempting any of these "bigger" and seemingly "impossible" (as what I've either been told, or hinted at) events/outings/meet-ups.

WILL we have it? Anytime soon without someone ffk-ing us. Without some twist of fate that makes us cancel. Without any one not thinking, this time, let's MAKE it happen. Coz I'm tired of trying to reassure myself, or BE the one reassuring myself, because by right I shouldn't even be facing the same issues now.

The hardest part or the irony of it?

It's not even like I don't trust any of you. I've never known better that it's exactly every single one of you I want that true forever with, the real meaning of bffs and sisterhood. And our oft said words of, to be there at each others' weddings.

It's just a wish I've had for a long time.

Lie.

Tue, 24 Nov 2009 04:10:01 GMT

I think I'm lying to myself everyday, and wonder when I would stop.
Seem to ignore or push aside plenty of things, and the reason is something I tend to ignore altogether.

Departures and leaving will never sit well with me. This is just one of many goodbyes.
I saw two kids, and I know where I'm happiest.

But again, I keep lying to myself and keep losing my thoughts.
If only if out of fear, and not wanting to deal with ten thousand things at once.

You know why?
Coz the voice that's mine and mine alone, and the me that's me that I know very well,
it's lost. Not utterly lost like once before, but dazed and confused.

Eternal fatigue really is tiring.

Rant.

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 14:59:19 GMT

SMS-ed 3 people, and ALL three never replied. Even after 4 hours. Msg-ed one twice even, still no sound.

Feel like pulling a thorough disappearing act just to emo by self.

Even if I wanted to curse or blame it on my HP network, I can't. Because Mag replied to my msg seconds later.

Irritated, annoyed and edgy frustrated now with the feeling of not wanting to sleep, but too tired to entertain the thoughts in my head.

Too lazy to raise pen, too annoyed to bother typing out thoughts into words.

In short; plain irritated and a tad of being angry at self.

At least I didn't emo ranty sms or else I would've pulled hair. Not any of them are even online much/lately. Bugger.

Slow reinvention

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 08:02:22 GMT

I feel like burrowing again and just shutting off for awhile. ><

Think I'll be doing another short hiatus or something.

Sort of going a little crazy again.

Remnants

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 04:19:54 GMT

I thought I wanted to say a few things, then decided I don't. If only the pen and paper was as easy as typing. All the unused handwriting time has made my fingers lethargic 'til they don't know how to write eligibly, what more journal entries that go on for pages.

Oh nostalgic feelings~

Thu, 19 Nov 2009 02:21:23 GMT

There is an invitation to a tea session for all alumni as well as a reunion/Christmas/New Year gathering for our high school.

Definitely sounds interesting, and I think I should get out more~

But I want someone to go with meeee.... =(

Ah.. Memories. Has it been so long? Amazing looking back.

Guilty ><

Tue, 17 Nov 2009 04:09:49 GMT

Bosses can really make me feel extra guilty. >< Been procrastinating, and basically feeling lethargic and not wanting to pull butt up.

So when ah boss suddenly came up looked at me seriously a minute ago, and asked, haven't I started looking yet? My brain went oh no, crap, err.....*image of fel hibernating for a month* I don't think the answer "errr....waiting?" is a good enough answer.

*cringe*

MUST send out my email(s) today. >< People who are genuinely concerned makes me feel worse, more so when I know it's me who's not actually MOVING. ><!! T-T

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[4.20pm]

The mad dog barks again. Things like threats, police reports, immaturity should not be foreign to me by now. Deja vu anyone?

By right, I suppose this shouldn't be familiar to me.

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I think one more time ah boss comes to me looking concerned and asking if I've started moving my butt.... >< I'm going to cringe. These random guilty stabs and cringes are not doing me any good. >< Sigh... Now I feel bad for him instead.