Somehow, I feel I might cry if I let the emotions get through. So maybe I'm going to block this for a little while more. I feel in shock, because I feel like immediately scolding you "why didn't you say?" It must've been so hard, and I want to give you a proper hug. We should've been shoulders and support for you, and I can hardly begin to imagine just how hard it is.

I know, I understand what you're trying to say.. But I don't think I can talk about this properly now. It's just wrong somehow. I don't think I want to think of a loss this close.

Surreal. It really feels like things are in suspension, with everything that keeps piling on. Is this what it means for strength in darker hours? He alone knows the strings He ties together.

Can I even sigh?

=(