SMS-ed 3 people, and ALL three never replied. Even after 4 hours. Msg-ed one twice even, still no sound.
Feel like pulling a thorough disappearing act just to emo by self.
Even if I wanted to curse or blame it on my HP network, I can't. Because Mag replied to my msg seconds later.
Irritated, annoyed and edgy frustrated now with the feeling of not wanting to sleep, but too tired to entertain the thoughts in my head.
Too lazy to raise pen, too annoyed to bother typing out thoughts into words.
In short; plain irritated and a tad of being angry at self.
At least I didn't emo ranty sms or else I would've pulled hair. Not any of them are even online much/lately. Bugger.
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I feel like burrowing again and just shutting off for awhile. ><
Think I'll be doing another short hiatus or something.
Sort of going a little crazy again.
I thought I wanted to say a few things, then decided I don't. If only the pen and paper was as easy as typing. All the unused handwriting time has made my fingers lethargic 'til they don't know how to write eligibly, what more journal entries that go on for pages.
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There is an invitation to a tea session for all alumni as well as a reunion/Christmas/New Year gathering for our high school.
Definitely sounds interesting, and I think I should get out more~
But I want someone to go with meeee.... =(
Ah.. Memories. Has it been so long? Amazing looking back.
Bosses can really make me feel extra guilty. >< Been procrastinating, and basically feeling lethargic and not wanting to pull butt up.
So when ah boss suddenly came up looked at me seriously a minute ago, and asked, haven't I started looking yet? My brain went oh no, crap, err.....*image of fel hibernating for a month* I don't think the answer "errr....waiting?" is a good enough answer.
*cringe*
MUST send out my email(s) today. >< People who are genuinely concerned makes me feel worse, more so when I know it's me who's not actually MOVING. ><!! T-T
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[4.20pm]
The mad dog barks again. Things like threats, police reports, immaturity should not be foreign to me by now. Deja vu anyone?
By right, I suppose this shouldn't be familiar to me.
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I think one more time ah boss comes to me looking concerned and asking if I've started moving my butt.... >< I'm going to cringe. These random guilty stabs and cringes are not doing me any good. >< Sigh... Now I feel bad for him instead.
I came to office early, as usual, and was the one to open up the office, as usual. The only thing was, when I stepped out of the lift, there was a mamak uncle standing in front of our shut doors with teh tarik and food in hand, staring at the door as though it would magically open. o_o
So.... Feeling slightly confused and mildly wondering if he was a parang-wielding man in disguise... I started to ask whose order were those, because there is noone in the office.
...Which resulted in me spending the next couple of minutes REPEATING "tak ada orang di dalam".... Like over and OVER and he just stared at me blankly going "uh. uh." like he understood. -____________________-"
After going in repeated circles with me wondering if I really am dealing with someone who either a) is mute b) does not understand a single word I say, I pointed out to him the office number WAS wrong anyway compared to his slip of paper. Voila! All I got from him was a surprised expression, and a oh! AND THEN, continued staring at me while I attempt to open the locks and NOT feeling comfortable having some dude looking like he was going to barge in the office with me alone and his teh tarik galore.
Finally after MORE persuading slash hear me get annoyed to ask him to go pergi tanya boss awak he FINALLY went off in what I can only call a blank daze.
Banana.
Why are there so many weird, damn weird, blur people around this place. Not to mention the EXTRA annoying donk here. -____- I should not curse.
Bananas.
When overwhelmed
and feeling overcrowded;
I take a step back...
breathe.
Open your eyes,
then open again.
Close...
and close them again.
Words... Sometimes they do no justice for the heart.
Heart... Sometimes they get too weak.
God... Sometimes it's all you need to feel whole.
Silence,
is at most times the best option.
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If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you;
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or, being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or, being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise;
...Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man my son!
- Rudyard Kipling
What does your HEARTbeat for?
-- Hope
I wonder will this hurt ever be gone and resolved.
Wonder if the house be rebuilt.
If forgiveness comes to me;
for much is for me to forgive, and me to be forgiven.
Loveholics - Pain
What does your HEARTbeat for?
I wish things were simpler again somehow.
Back when standing together we only had smiles.
Back when I didn't have to wonder how the human heart can survive so much...
There is a line in a book I read yesterday, The Adoration of Jenna Fox - Mary E. Pearson (which, actually does open a lot of questions for debate) that goes something like this : you're the pieces that fill other people's holes, but not yours.
Hmm...
Empathy as a gift can also be a weary one at times; but as with everything else, there's nothing that should be regretted.
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